a quiet, small YES
There are so many stories on my journey with horses and Returning Glory and Jesus. Over the years people have encouraged me to write them all down, but I was not interested. I love to share the stories, but writing down all that hanging-around horses teaches? That was overwhelming to me. In the last verse of the book of John, it says that if everything Jesus did was written down, the world could not contain it. I understood that – thinking of all that He did through horses in people’s hearts. It would be a forever book – on and on – His heart-touches through horses.
When I wrote a few short articles for our newsletters in the past, the computer said I wrote on a 6th grade level. Why would I put that out there? Embarrassing. My pride was making a decision, so I pushed that idea of writing away.
Then – a few years back – others began to encourage me to write a book. I have heard that enough – but I am not a writer and finding the time in the midst of this ministry would be challenging – just another thing on my plate. Again, I so enjoy sharing these Jesus & horse stories – but to write it all down? These book-writing encouragements stuck in my mind more than in the past, so I talked with my Father specifically about this writing project. Really? You really want me to attempt this? I asked Him to confirm it with one other person.
WOW! He made it so obvious. That next morning my very own husband – out of the blue – told me he thought I should begin to write the stories – at least begin to blog. My heart became very still – very quiet – recognizing He was making it clear. My spirit said a very quiet and small YES, my mouth did not utter a word. I dare not – it could not be spoken now – it seemed a holy invitation – it needed to be kept just in my heart for a while.
YES – but feeling totally inadequate at my 6th grade writing level – feeling bothered by the time it would take – anticipating that I would never be able to shut my brain down – always thinking about the next story.
Feeling I’ve had this feeling before – – – pondering – – – ohhhh – – – now remembering. A past quiet, small YES – when Jesus was inviting me to begin working with horses and hearts. Inadequacy had nothing to do with anything. It was just the small heart YES that was being asked of me then – and now again.
As Jesus does often with me – my mind went to my horses. What would a small YES look like from them? My heart knew. A small YES from Shiloh would be just to have her stand by me and let me rub her – no ears back, no pushing shoulders into me – just letting me love on her. A small YES from Topaz would be to just have her trust me fully – no popping up her head at the slightest thing in fear. A small YES from Destiny would be to just let me fully be her leader – not always checking boundaries. All small YESes in progress. All YESes that Jesus was asking of me.
I recently learned about the Hebrew word for YES. In Hebrew the letters in each word combine to paint a “word picture” that describes the meaning of the word. With only two letters in the Hebrew YES – the first letter means to freely give and the second letter means life. My heart was pierced with this simple word. My quiet, small YES – could it freely give life to others? Jesus was encouraging me.
So … YES – a quiet, small YES just between Jesus and me. A YES in progress – to let the Father just fully love on me – to trust Him fully, with no fear in what He was asking of me – to willingly let Him lead me fully through this writing-of-stories thing.
This is the beginning of my YES – 3 years later. Trusting I will freely give Jesus-life to your heart in this writing-of-stories.
Roxanne Van Riessen
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