Have not spent much time lately with this horse of mine – though my heart yearns for time with her often – life gets in the way – and I guess I choose to let it. The maintenance of house – office work – yard – everything! How do I slow it down? Why is there so much to fill my time that seems to need so much of my attention?
Not today. Today, I decided to let stuff maintain itself and I went to follow my heart – to Shiloh. I wanted to try a new saddle on this horse, maybe this one she would be comfortable with on her back. It was wonderful – English type tree with endurance seat. Did the usual ground work, grooming and tacking – all those necessary relational steps before the ride. I finally was on this amazing horse and it felt good. But, it didn’t take long at all before I felt – maybe it was not so good for Shiloh. She began letting me know that a buck was coming soon and that this was not an idea she agreed with. Quiet her down – and quietly I dismount.
What, girl? We just rode a week ago – or was it 3? Years of working together and we are again at this place?
Ok – I’ll get the saddle you have been used to for so long. Old sloppy saddle on and a little more lunging. A quiet mount up. Now what? An apprehensive walk, and jittery trot. Really? How many times, in all our years together, have we not been here? Again and again the “want to”, or even the “try to” seems to have to start over. Shiloh – you did not do this the last time “we” were together – remember? That time, three weeks ago, you did so much better – you were willing and trying to listen to my directions.
I know – I know – I know, our ‘we’ needs so much more time together. The ‘we’ was too long ago. The ‘we’ is not soft and smooth this time. You do not trust the ‘we’, again.
You are such high maintenance! I feel overwhelmed at how much time you demand to have good ‘we’ time.
It is our ‘we’ that is really the high maintenance. Sorry, girl – that I did not maintain our ‘we’.
Yep – I get it again. The ‘we’ of me and Jesus needs sooo much maintenance time. Too often I choose the maintenance of other things. He is waiting for me in our ‘we’.
Like Shiloh, I get a little apprehensive, a little jittery. “Jesus, I don’t have a feel of You? I can’t find the ‘we’.” Umm – when was the last ‘we’ again? A few days ago? I don’t recall – let me check my journal. Oh no – how can we be ‘we’ when it has been that long?
He waits. He knows I need high maintenance. He actually made me high maintenance – because He so enjoys the ‘we’.
Shiloh – you were made a high maintenance horse – so I could feel the longing of the ‘we’ with my Jesus.
It’s a good thing to be high maintenance – so we can be WE.