The horses were in the paddocks, sharing their tails to help with the flies on each bothered face. I walked to the fence just to watch – to observe their beauty and enjoy the feel of their presence.
My “little” girl, Destiny, came right up – nose to my face – to smell – to touch – to be. She loves the time together – just me rubbing her face – allowing me to scratch all those places she cannot reach. Then her mama comes and enjoys the attention time, too. Beniah – he knows me a little but being an in-charge type of horse he had to check me out. He too enjoyed the smelling of my face – the massaging of my hands.
But not my Shiloh – my eye would catch her watching – was she wondering if it was worth the try? It would feel good to be cared for – but did the risk seem too high? Would she dare to think of enjoying something that could be enjoyed? She would need to let her guard down to get to the enjoyment. I do not know what goes on in that untouchable head of hers – but I do know I so want her to enjoy just being with me and letting me enjoy her.
And again – I hear the heart of my Father saying “I know how you feel”. “I long for that always with you.”
And again – I am reminded that a horse can reflect the one who trains them, who cares for them, who wants their time together to be enjoyed by both.
I smile as I watch her watching and thank Jesus for the insight of His invitation to me again – to just enjoy our time. I long to let go of whatever holds me back from all He has for me to enjoy.
Do I dare look up? Really? She is moving toward the fence – meandering in my direction. She hesitates about 4 feet away – I would have to reach to touch and I know that reach would push her away. I just relax and hold my arm out to the side. I am inviting. She can choose to accept the touch – the smelling – the enjoying.
I wait. Hardly daring to breathe. I wait and hope. There was a little try to turn the head – but quickly she pulls it back from affection. Guarded. She was struggling with letting go and just enjoying the together. Yea girl – I so understand.
Then another turn of the full neck and the head and the touch – the smell. I do not push into the touch but I so want to. I got the ‘try’ from her. I smile and enjoy her attempt to enjoy.
That’s all I ask of her – today that is all the “try” she can give. Even with many years together, small try-steps are huge in my heart for her.
And again I feel Jesus say – “I agree”.
And I smile – enjoying His enjoying of me trying.
Roxanne Van Riessen