It was so hard to see her when they brought her to Returning Glory. So many bones. So much anger. Eyes seem to shut out the world. She just wanted to be left alone – even from those who had “loved” her. I did not see any affection between horse or human?
With these who were donating Birdie, we discussed her journey. They so enjoyed her performances and how she looked under saddle. And Birdie enjoyed the competition, too. But . . . the enjoyment never offered rest to a horse giving it her all.
The “love” changed when they took her to a competition and the veterinarian asked to see her. Something did not look balanced to his trained eyes. His advice – give her 3-6 months rest – this horse was in no condition to compete. Her front hooves needed special attention because of her hoof structure and the constant impact from jumping and running competitive trails. She hurt – every joint in her giving body was screaming for rest. But the “love” could not do that. The time. The attention. The money. This was not in their plan. It did not offer enjoyment to them.
So, a God-connection was made and Birdie was donated to Returning Glory. Again, the bones, the pain, were the only pieces of her that I saw and I was not happy. I was not a rescue organization. I knew the potentially long journey ahead. I held my heart close so I would not feel. I was protecting my heart by telling myself I was called to help hurting human hearts. But, quickly, the ‘God’ part of the connection reminded me this was a hurting heart.
So, the journey began.
The “God-connection” continued. He began connecting my heart to hers. He began connecting others’ hearts to her who would provide the time and finances needed to help this horse whose body contained pain and painful memories.
She became SELAH. Her past was going to slowly be removed by speaking SELAH over her. This word is Hebrew and used in the Bible, but the meaning is a mystery. However, it is used in places where is seems to indicate a “pause of contemplation”. She will be given a pause to heal physically and in her memories.
With all the pain she held I had experts come to help in their specialty area. One expert did not want to begin the process with Selah because she saw the pain in EVERY part of her body. How to begin? Where to begin?
Then the reality – why begin?
All left and I alone was left with pain. Down to the pasture to the benches under the tree. Why ?!?!??? Why did You have this horse come here when there was no hope???? The pain and the anger spilled.
The reasoning struggled forward and I came to the conclusion her Creator must have known I would not let her suffer with no hope of healing. I resolved. I must find the “love” to help end the constant pain in yet another.
But maybe one more try?
I had one more expert I had not yet tried. The call. The hope. He was the one who had helped my body of pain often. He had past experiences of helping other horses. He came carrying hope. He deposited hope when I thought there was none. He found the emotional pain stuck in her body. He helped her body release the pain and exchange with the possibility of better.
My resolve changed. Now I could go forward with the other experts – x-rays for hooves – continued chiropractic for structural changes – herbs for inside help. And then just good old fashion nutrition and rest and quiet pastures.
The journey continues.
Every time I am with Selah – I rub those areas where memories hold pain – I let her know it is ok to be a horse with pain memories – we slowly rub out the pain – hoping memory changes produce body changes.
Hope fights. The deepness of her eyes peeking for better.
And now – a year later – hope won in Selah’s journey. As I rub, searching her eyes for indication of pain, I FIND NONE. I breathe deep, smiling at the One who brought her here for her healing and not her ending.
And now – she is ready to help other hearts as they walk into hope through pain memories.